Hello Friends,
It has been a while since we connected and much has happened in the interim. Pending who you talk to the story of our collective will contain different highlights and a variety of shadows, though much of the plot will contain similarities. We are all paying attention to similar events, though solutions, concerns and condemnations may come from different directions.
My friend Vince (owner and manager of Urban Movement Arts) sent out a beautiful email a couple weeks ago that articulated many hopes, concerns and observations that run parallel to my own (thoughts I don’t feel able to express and am encouraged to see in public discourse). I’m including a link to the email as I have posted it as a blog on my website.
I’ve learned that this isn’t a time where “my” voice on present circumstances is welcome, and thus have chosen to withdraw from public discourse. It seems insensitive to ignore the reality of the situation so I’ll add here only truths that I have observed throughout my 39 years on the planet as an introvert; Often a distant part of a variety of communities, through close relationships with individuals who belong to larger communities.
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My experience in a body has taught me that the world is vastly unequal. Those who hold power are reluctant to give up power and most people are ignorant of the power they hold. I am aware of my own tendency to self-diminish and to diminish one’s self is a short step from diminishing the collective. Despite the aforementioned, we are oddly faced with the paradox where elevating one’s self isn’t necessarily elevating others. This of course is at least somewhat inevitable in a society built on principals of Darwinian evolution and a history of oppression so the “strong” who survive, remain so through future versions of the story.
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Dividing people amongst racial lines is assuredly one of the greatest atrocities committed by humans and the way that has evolved into the culture within which we reside certainly must give one pause; When we begin to pay attention to our physical movement, we might recognize sensation arise in areas of the body that we were ignorant of just moments before; previously assumed to be functioning “just fine” this newfound awareness can at times alert us to the slow repeated damage being done by a disadvantageous pattern.
Feeling the discomfort the body had stopped registering doesn’t always mean things have gotten worse, it only means issues have been brought to the surface.
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The practice of othering is a persistent activity we human’s put little conscious attention into. Tendencies toward practices of racism, classism, nationalism and genderizing are devastating to a heterogeneous global civilization, much as our practices of speciesism continues to devastate the world organism of which we humans are a part. I have little knowledge as to where solutions to the many big problems we are facing as a collective will come from; My own understanding and experience is rooted more in healing the personal as opposed to the communal. I’ve spent much of my life avoiding the collective, frightened by what we sweep under the metaphorical rug that is the thin veneer of civilization.
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When the United States quarantine began I felt a strong pull toward retreat (as much as I can while still making some income to sustain me), which the events of the past month served to strengthen. This has proven to be the most sane course of action for me at this time and also has made moments of designed connection, such as this one, harder to initiate (though no less important and valued when the time is carved out). As an independent contractor, functioning in a system of capitalism, my most immediate recourse in an unequal system has been to find ways to make my professional services more available to the disadvantaged. This has been my purpose in offering sliding scale on privates, inexpensive and donation based group class options (when possible) and free online material. There are ways to subvert the system, occasionally they are big and most of the time they are small. Sometimes we wish for change to be grand and at others recognize that simple is sustainable. Only we can know for ourselves which is right at a given moment. If nothing else these moments are opportunities to envision something better than what has been.
The act of taking a “retreat” is an intentional withdraw. Rather than being a good soldier, ready to follow command from those “in charge,” one reserves that which makes them an individual, the uniqueness of being that can not be replicated and need not be replaced. A retreat will not save the world, it will not fix an unjust system, it isn’t creative and it does not progress. Withdrawing isn’t heroic, it isn’t virtuous and no one (outside of one’s self) will recognize it as essential. It is a privilege to have the ability to “take retreat.” While a refugee is being denied escape from a dangerous situation or a man is dying in the street under a knee, it is a privilege to withdraw from society. As this is a recently acquired privilege for myself, largely due to the assistance and patronage of the community on the other end of this email that supports that privilege, I recognize that most of the world lives in a constant state of crisis and we all can and need to continue to move the needle of progress more toward a preference for compassion, sustainability and regeneration/healing.
In partial conjunction with my “retreat”, relationship has been at the forefront of my consciousness throughout the past several months. The first couple months of quarantine were spent living in co-habitation with my romantic partner (of the past year) Kaeti. I would like to inform you, the reader, that following the separation and subsequent divorce from my ex-wife, this wasn’t something I pictured myself ever doing again if it wasn’t for a pandemic. Not out of bitterness to the notion, rather a stubborn self-knowledge of “what isn’t for me.” When we exercise, the body must first go through a process of catabolism (the breaking down of tissue) for anabolism (new organic growth) to occur. While any “destruction” that occurred during our coupling was healthy and filled with wonder, it certainly was not “easy.” Much like the hill sprints I’ve been running these past several months, there is a palpable blend of euphoria and anxiety that often accompany pushing past one’s ideas and the limits those beliefs impose.
The idealist in my psyche wished to take any success communicating found in partnership out into the broader community, but compromise between 2 is not a sufficient model for communication among many. When I feel paralyzed to do something big I often return to a teaching of Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield “Tend to the piece of the garden you can touch.” The hero’s journey, though a beautiful archetype, isn’t a story of maturity. The hero is a model of adolescence, of progress with a reward of adulthood at the “completion” of the journey. King and queen archetypes know that the society “they” seek to create will outlive them. They will be equally loved and vilified as the passage of time reveals their all to human inadequacies. Many mature archetypes don’t do a thing for the reward, while their shadow archetypes (often clearly outlined in our societies “leaders” and “authority” figures) act largely from self-interest. Artists create, scientists observe and record, mothers nurture, fathers provide and none of these are gender exclusive (I have often been proud to hold a mantle and space as a “mom” in communities I have been a part). No medal is awarded for sitting with a friend or a parent and no like notifications are given for sacrificing a personal desire for a collective need but they are what sustains. Coronavirus and the murder of George Floyd have served as reminders of how much others around us need support. It is continually good to remember that supporting the collective makes us all stronger. Personal, political and corporate decisions are largely what drive change, know where your own personal ability to wield power is most effective and needed.
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“We are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death. Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.” -Bill Hicks (comedian)
I will be hosting a couple events at the end of the month. Till then I am staying mostly internet silent (as those of you who follow me on social media may have noticed). I don’t communicate well in meme culture: the culture of brief slogans and quick notions; though ideas spread quickly there the discourse lacks the depth and nuance with which long form media can only hope to capture. I will instead only be engaging with longer conversations with those who desire my ear or are curious about my thoughts.
I hope to see many of you on the 27th (register by emailing or signing up for my Patreon, I’m asking $10 for either/both but as always those without the funds are welcome to attend either event simply by sending an email that says “please add me to the guest list”), check out the educational blog I have been adding to it frequently in the past week.
❤️Noah
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I am currently scheduling online Private lessons and outdoor training sessions, please email for sliding scale rates and to schedule.
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If you do not already please consider supporting my Education page(providing content including instructional videos and blogs) by joining my Patreon or by making a one time donation (Paypal, Apple Pay and Venmo @noahmoves / Noah Julian Sedgwick)
Big Thanks to all who have joined and contributed, your assistance has made this time far less stressful.